I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
