so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
