he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
