did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
