Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She announced her abortion via fbk
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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