She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have tasted many bathrooms
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
