dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
