Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm too high and old for this...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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