Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize