last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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