I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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