that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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