In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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