im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
