I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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