Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.