dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!