She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.