Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
