did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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