It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
