Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
