so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
