I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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