Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
