Sponge bath it is.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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