I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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