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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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