mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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