she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
