her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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