What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
