i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
