Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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