who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize