she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
