So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
