We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
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woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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