Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
