i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
