You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction