Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.