i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion