It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye