No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe