So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
