i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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