I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
