nut hugger
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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