Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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