i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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