UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
