didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
