fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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