I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
