guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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