It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
