it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
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Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
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no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize