I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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