Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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