I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize