I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
