You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
