At least make sure they are 18
Why
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
