What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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