Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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