gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
