I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
