Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
