White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize