who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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