dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
