what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
